One week ago I threw my cell phone away. That’s right, I threw it right out the window. I did this to simplify my life. Also the phone company had turned it off cause I never paid my bill.

Disconnecting from technology in today’s social media obsessed culture can be hard. I find the easiest way to liberate yourself from digital culture is to run out of money. In the past month I have disconnected from my phone, my laptop, my stove, and all the lights in my apartment.

Being technology-free has helped me reconnect with simple joys, like reading a good book or feeling morally superior to other people. That is why I brought a book with me to lunch today. No phone, just a book.

Of course, I have many, many friends I could have taken to lunch with me today instead of this book. Barry, for example. But I did not invite Barry. Is that because Barry hates me and has threatened to “beat the daylights” out of me if he sees me again? No. The reason why I’m here alone is simple. I just wanted some time to myself. I wanted some quiet time where I could read in a very loud and public place.

My book looks old and weathered, like the type of book you pull in a study and it opens up to a hidden safe. And in the safe there is a painting of a very angry man who looks familiar. That’s right, the guy in the painting is me and I’m super pissed that you are touching my books. Who even let you into my study? No one, that’s who.

I’ll have you know that you and the other people in this café are very impressed that I am able to read this important book. Especially considering all the soup I’ve spilled on it.

You probably have never thought such dense reading could be considered leisure. Well, I guess you don’t know what it’s like to be a book enthusiast. You don’t know what it’s like to devote hours to reading a novel, and then devote days to looking up all the words you didn’t understand in that novel.

But I do. I know it well.

To some, literature is a scary and confusing world, like Atlantis. But to me, literature is an old friend. A drinking buddy you know so well that you don’t even need to talk to one another.

Yes, I often close my eyes after a paragraph or two. I do this to savor the beautiful prose I just read, and definitely not because reading makes me very, very sleepy. Sometimes I savor the prose for many minutes at a time with my face in my soup.

I don’t know, call me an old soul but to me reading a good book is like finding a twenty-dollar bill in an old pair of jeans…and Barry, who’s wearing the jeans, doesn’t even notice as you carefully take it out and run away.

Did you see me lick my fingers when turning pages? This is just something regular readers do…also these pages taste like soup.

Now, I must be moving on -- the great works of literature await me. Also I forgot my wallet and the waiter isn’t paying attention.