The best advice I’ve ever been given was to be the architect of my own embarrassment. I am a 300-plus-pound man who has been making his way through this judgmental world for over 10 years now. I can roll with the punches that come with being a fat guy. I make it clear that I want the “fat guy friendly” booth in the restaurant, and I have come to terms that at most meals, for some odd reason, people will always offer me their leftovers. I have accepted the fact that people always challenge me to an arm wrestle when I am out having a drink.
Fellas, do not get it mixed up. I am not feeling sorry for myself; I am celebrating the big man lifestyle. The truth is, these things are only insulting if you let them be. Being able to laugh at yourself goes a long way in making it easier to enjoy being you.
I have lived with my head held high and I didn’t let anything, especially my extra pounds, stop me. Other fat guys need to come out of hiding, leave their computers or couches behind and start exploring their sex appeal.
Chubby chasing season is in full swing. Yes, big men, there is a season where we are chased and it is now. Women everywhere are in the midst of ditching their skinny dudes and weight-lifting bros in search of someone to keep them warm through the cold winter months. They are on the hunt.
Being fat, we need to remember why we are being hunted: warmth and cuddles. When a woman has had a long day at work and walked home through the horrible cold, she wants to get on that couch and cuddle right into her man. (Warning: cuddling can be contagious and continue for hours.) I get that there may be some of you big men that haven’t had an opportunity to cuddle in a while, but take it from me, we are good at it. Personally, I cuddle the crap out of things, and it has worked out A-ok.
To become one of the hunted, I’ve always stuck to some basic guidelines to carry me through the forest that is the dating scene:
1) Staying far away from tight t-shirts is a lesson I learned the hard way, but, frankly, we’re not fooling anyone into thinking that we have big muscles when we’re really just big, big men. Perhaps our confidence is a little higher than usual one day, so we slap on a tight tee, think we look buff and head on out. What we forget is that the swelling we see around our biceps is exactly that, swelling, from the circulation to our arms getting cut off by cotton. I always looked more ready to pass out than I looked jacked when I rocked tight clothes. Now I keep my shirts loose but not baggy and apply the same rule to my jeans.
2) Shoes are something almost all women judge you on. Some people might be under the impression that since us big guys cannot see our feet, we don’t take pride in them. Prove those people wrong. Stay away from white shoes as they’ll get scuffed way too fast but don’t be afraid to wear a nice pair of sneakers with your outfit. And be sure to own a pair of black or brown dress shoes for when the occasion calls for you to get your fancy swag on.
3) Let’s face it, big men: we need facial hair. Without it, we all look like baby belugas. Now I’m not saying we should start growing out ZZ Top beards, but what I am saying is that we all need a little something to cover up the ol’ double or triple chin that otherwise stays exposed. Just remember that a beard goes on your face, so keeping it fresh and clean is a no-brainer. A nice beard with a tidy neck and a trimmed moustache will make almost any woman happy.
4) Gents, smelling good is a must. I would recommend staying away from fruity colognes because we do not need to give these ladies reason to think our minds are always on dessert. Go for a masculine but un-fatherly scent, like Yves St. Laurent Homme, my own signature smell. I love it and it adds a little extra strut to my walk.
Now, fellow fat men, you’re ready to get out there and get hunted. Force ladies to see past your belly. Shed the image that you think is there by building the one that should be. I am looking forward to walking down the street with my beautiful girl, passing you with yours and with just a gentle nod to each other, acknowledging that we fat guys may be in hunting season but we are the ones on top of the food chain.
The best advice I’ve ever been given was to be the architect of my own embarrassment. I am a 300-plus-pound man who has been making his way through this judgmental world for over 10 years now. I can roll with the punches that come with being a fat guy. I make it clear that I want the “fat guy friendly” booth in the restaurant, and I have come to terms that at most meals, for some odd reason, people will always offer me their leftovers. I have accepted the fact that people always challenge me to an arm wrestle when I am out having a drink.
Fellas, do not get it mixed up. I am not feeling sorry for myself; I am celebrating the big man lifestyle. The truth is, these things are only insulting if you let them be. Being able to laugh at yourself goes a long way in making it easier to enjoy being you.
I have lived with my head held high and I didn’t let anything, especially my extra pounds, stop me. Other fat guys need to come out of hiding, leave their computers or couches behind and start exploring their sex appeal.
Chubby chasing season is in full swing. Yes, big men, there is a season where we are chased and it is now. Women everywhere are in the midst of ditching their skinny dudes and weight-lifting bros in search of someone to keep them warm through the cold winter months. They are on the hunt.
Being fat, we need to remember why we are being hunted: warmth and cuddles. When a woman has had a long day at work and walked home through the horrible cold, she wants to get on that couch and cuddle right into her man. (Warning: cuddling can be contagious and continue for hours.) I get that there may be some of you big men that haven’t had an opportunity to cuddle in a while, but take it from me, we are good at it. Personally, I cuddle the crap out of things, and it has worked out A-ok.
To become one of the hunted, I’ve always stuck to some basic guidelines to carry me through the forest that is the dating scene:
1) Staying far away from tight t-shirts is a lesson I learned the hard way, but, frankly, we’re not fooling anyone into thinking that we have big muscles when we’re really just big, big men. Perhaps our confidence is a little higher than usual one day, so we slap on a tight tee, think we look buff and head on out. What we forget is that the swelling we see around our biceps is exactly that, swelling, from the circulation to our arms getting cut off by cotton. I always looked more ready to pass out than I looked jacked when I rocked tight clothes. Now I keep my shirts loose but not baggy and apply the same rule to my jeans.
2) Shoes are something almost all women judge you on. Some people might be under the impression that since us big guys cannot see our feet, we don’t take pride in them. Prove those people wrong. Stay away from white shoes as they’ll get scuffed way too fast but don't be afraid to wear a nice pair of sneakers with your outfit. And be sure to own a pair of black or brown dress shoes for when the occasion calls for you to get your fancy swag on.
3) Let’s face it, big men: we need facial hair. Without it, we all look like baby belugas. Now I’m not saying we should start growing out ZZ Top beards, but what I am saying is that we all need a little something to cover up the ol’ double or triple chin that otherwise stays exposed. Just remember that a beard goes on your face, so keeping it fresh and clean is a no-brainer. A nice beard with a tidy neck and a trimmed moustache will make almost any woman happy.
4) Gents, smelling good is a must. I would recommend staying away from fruity colognes because we do not need to give these ladies reason to think our minds are always on dessert. Go for a masculine but un-fatherly scent, like Yves St. Laurent Homme, my own signature smell. I love it and it adds a little extra strut to my walk.
Now, fellow fat men, you’re ready to get out there and get hunted. Force ladies to see past your belly. Shed the image that you think is there by building the one that should be. I am looking forward to walking down the street with my beautiful girl, passing you with yours and with just a gentle nod to each other, acknowledging that we fat guys may be in hunting season but we are the ones on top of the food chain.