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Dear Confessional,
I’m a slut! No really I am! I always sleep with a guy too soon and it makes him lose interest in me. I have no self-restraint and I love sex, but I know its not a good idea. So how long should I wait?
Val- Toronto, On.
Hola Val!
I have to start this off by saying that you are NOT a slut! You’re a normal person who likes sex! Ain’t no shame mama!
Speaking of getting laid… I want to do couples yoga in a pool full of baby oil with Ryan Reynolds, naked! Ladies, we all need to get real here and come to terms with the fact that sex doesn’t make a guy like you more or bring him closer- it gives him an orgasm! That’s what it will do then, and that’s what it will always do, whether or not you’ve been married for forty years or have been on one date. Also, I’m not about to suggest that holding out on sex will get a guy to like you, I’m just saying that orgasms are awesome things, so why give them to someone when the time isn’t right? That’s like getting someone Christmas gifts in March, like mad out of order! Realistically, we give presents for different reasons, sometimes we have to buy a Starbucks card for the mail man while we’re getting our venti/non-fat/sugar-free vanilla lattes, and sometimes we search the ends of the earth to get that perfect present for people that will show them how much they mean to us. If you need to get your bang on, then bang away. But if you’ve avoided foods that bloat for the whole day, waxed four days ago so that the redness is gone and have high-fived your kitten to thoughts of passionate kisses and eye contact, then you’re not about to gift a Starbucks card hunny. Give accordingly. If a guy likes you, he’ll like you whether or not you’ve chimmied your chonkas on the first date or if you waited till marriage like I always do! That being said, if you do have sex with a guy on the first date or in the early stages, you are not only risking getting major STD’s but you are not looking that appealing in his eyes because you’ve probably left him wondering whether or not you do this all the time. Award winning actress or not, no matter how many times you say “Oh, I’ve never done this before!”, he’ll think/know that you have. Instead just go home, tickle the mouse and wait; anticipation makes the rooster way more eager.
Recap: Sex is a play-date for your furry friends- not a chariot to Tiffany’s!
