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Dear Confessional,
I fucking hate everyone! I don’t know why but I am growing more and more annoyed with everyone around me, including new people. I’ve developed the ability to basically find something that ticks me off about everyone I meet. And then I can’t get past it. The problem is that now I have no friends to go out with and I get pretty lonely. I want to change my outlook on people but I just can’t seem to shake being annoyed. Suggestions?
Chantale, Montreal
Dear Chantale,
You must not hate everyone because you like me. I know this because, well let’s face it, everyone likes me. I am familiar with your problem though. Much like you, I used to reside in the dreary and lonely nation of Hateration. I decided to move because I had no neighbours and I’m in need of sugar more often than not (n’aw what I’m sayin’? woot woot!). I also realized that people wouldn’t change.
I don’t like being alone, and I can’t change everybody. So the only option I had was to change myself. Yes, I admit, I had my very own Oprah moment! Speaking of which, just like Oprah who has her Favourite Things segment, I would like to have my own Nina’s Favourite Things segment which would include: sexy men, wine, Mexican food, hot men, PUPPIES, muscly men, satin, double-sided tape, handsome men, Austin Powers (yes the whole trilogy…shutup!), both fake and real gold, business men, leather, white-on-white birthday cake, gangsters and anything gangster or gangster associated. So go out and get all those things y’all!
But back to the matter at hand…
Chantale, my advice to you is to force yourself to start seeing the good in people and stop looking for the bad! It is not the easiest of things to do sometimes. But people are made up of a whole bunch of characteristics, both good and bad. So I challenge you to the following: for every bad quality you see in someone, you have to find a good one too.
Before you roll your eyes at my advice, I’d like you to know why I’m offering you this option. The reason? The more you don’t like people, the more people don’t like you! People like being liked, it feels good. Right now, in everyone’s eyes, girl, you’s a hater! Ain’t no body like a hater!
People that hate usually only hate others because they actually hate themselves! Deep…I know. So ask yourself why you get so annoyed with people. More likely than not, these feelings arise out of your own insecurities. Do you compare yourself to others and feel envy? Do you think people are not up to your caliber because you are overcompensating in others, for something you yourself are lacking? Do you experience a burning sensation when you urinate? Before you can accept other people, you have to accept yourself.
So, don’t hate, masterb… wow, wait…sorry… not that kind of self love…where mah mind at? What I meant to say: love and accept yourself. And stop being so goddam critical! Namaste and woosah that shit because it’s only going to turn you into an old lady that sits in the local mall’s food court at lunch time, telling her useless stories to freaked out people who are trying to eat their damn McDonalds in peace.
Remember, it’s not that you can’t see the best in people. It’s because you shant Chantale! (another literary genius moment…again… ding!) Of course the disclaimer stands that not everyone is going to like everyone, but you gotta like at least someone; that “someone” being a physical person you communicate with. Not a superhero, scientist or online Dungeons and Dragons virtual character.
Now go out there and find yo hatin’ self some pimps and bitches dat you could chillz wit on a Friday nizzight in yo daddy Cadillac being all like “vroom vroom” to Nelly on the speaker! Or just find some friends.
Recap: For some reason, when you tell people you have plenty of friends back home, but you’ve lived in the same place your whole life and haven’t moved… no one seems to believe you! Dat shit cray!
