First thought, “this place must have killed it in the 90s”.

The Toronto Castle Medieval Times Dinner & Tournament, circa 1993, is a 1 1/2 hour theatrical reenactment of the 11th century “Battle of Champions”. Over elapsed time of your 3 course meal you will see horses being lunged, a falcon, some WWF style aggression, 3 or 4 rounds of jousting, dramatic dialogue involving the love interest of a princess, and your waiter (who just served you soup and Pepsi) carrying a flag behind your assigned knight.

When you first enter the lobby you are greeted by damsels and are assigned a colour and table. After receiving your coloured crown you can take an entry photo with a falcon and sit on a large thrown-like chair (for purchase during the show for $20.00).  If it is your birthday you can have your picture taken with the announcer and a knight (for purchase after the show). The hall consists of a large bar in the center of the room surrounded by souvier vendors around the perimeter of the room. Domestic beers $7.50 a glass, or upgrade for a souvenir mug. Or try a Fat Tuesdays Pina Colada or Blueberry freeze, upgrade in a souvenir mug. Make sure to check out one of the 20 vendors of Medieval Times keychains, flags, flashlights, glowsticks, cups, toys & trinkets, to commemorate your visit. Pre purchase a bottle of wine to drink with your mean prices range from $21.00 (Peele Island Cab) to $42.00. While you wait for the show you can enter The Dungeon (small museum of medieval torture devices) for an additional $2.00 per person.

Enter the main arena to watch the tournament, be greeted with the iridescence effects of a well used smoke machine. The arena is divided into sections based on colours and you cheer for the same coloured knight. After introductions of the knights and some dialogue about why they are dueling, you are served your soup and choice of water or Pepsi. Show goes on… bowl is cleared and you receive some bread and 1/2 of a chicken on a pewter plate. If you forgot to purchase a glow stick or flag before the show, don’t worry, there are plenty of ladies moving among the tables selling flashing souvenirs. And if you didn’t get a photo taken when you first arrived, a photographer will come by and take one during the show (for purchase after the show $20.00). Your meal, all served by one dedicated server in costume of black stirrup pants and brown smock,  consists of 1/2 a chicken, 1/2 a potato, 1 spare rib, and one piece of garlic bread. It is really dark and difficult to see what you are eating (with your hands) but it actually tastes really good. Dessert is a strudel (resembling apple in flavor) and coffee with coffee mate.

Once the winner of the tournament is announced the knights throw carnations to ladies in their sections and pass out a ribbon to one in the front row (front row is a Royalty upgrade $20.00, different upgrades available $16.00+).

When leaving make sure to purchase your dinner photo in a commemorative authentic Medieval Times frame.

Right now all seats are $39.95 each (regular price is $62.95). I pre-ordered online and entered a web discount code 39WEB10 offer expires May 31 2010. Oh, and remember to tip your waiter, you will be handed a “gratuity appreciated” dish at the end of the meal. I gave $5.00 to my server when I was leaving and told him “Just for you” because he carried the flag so well in the arena after serving soup.

BUT you can also get a royalty upgrade for $20.00, enter The Dungeon for $2.00, purchase a peach-schnapps based drink and keep the collectable plastic cup for $12.00, have a bottle of wine with dinner for $21.00, purchase your entrance photo and dinner photo for $20.00 a piece, also purchase flags, hats and t-shirts $100.00… Total cost for the grand Medieval Times experience: $219.01

The above review is exactly what to expect if planning an outing to this totally 90s theatre experience. There were more pushes for upgrades than dinner at Milestones and more souvenirs for sale than Cancun. With Cancun is that you NEED the souvenirs to remember what the hell happened. With this show you will never know what the hell just happened.