Browsing through the new WRG? site I noticed that (until yesterday) my blog title was “Jackie’s Adventures In Online Dating”, a joke that I had mentioned to Leslie awhile ago, that I thought had since died. The following evidence supports the notation that it would be best to not subject the vast inter-connected sea of singles with the Scylla that is Jackie Sakaguchi. Here are some examples:
- 3:30 AM Thursday extended last call. See Dave on the corner, he’s going to another bar. Go with “Adam” to the next bar, get into the bar for free. Realize it’s not Adam, it’s Adam’s brother. Drink with brother, throw ice cubes at him and get carried out for trying to spray the pop gun. Propose a game of What’s Next and pass out on the lawn for a few winks, wake up to drive to Wasaga Beach. Splash in the water and swim out as far as we can. Eat some food then drive around in a Porshe really fast. Glimpses of speeding charges from the past and I decide not push my luck. Watch a couple of movies at the drive-in. Marmaduke was silly but The A Team made it worth it. Try to make it back to Wasaga for last call but too many meatheads and too many fights. Have a drink on the beach then drive to the Casino. Lose some money and drink some coffee. Haven’t slept since the lawn. 9:00 AM Saturday park and sleep on someone’s front lawn. 11:00 AM get woken up by the family arriving to their cottage. Drive to Kirkfield, get some breakfast. Drive to Eagle Lake, swim in the water. Crash a cottage party, drink some wine. 10:00 PM drive to Burlington play with Frisbees. 4:00 AM drive to Toronto, after hours party. Have some drinks then walk home. Say goodbye. Wake-up and drive to Bobcaygeon for a wakeboard comp.
- Ride all day in a snowboard comp. Come third in my division. Go to Collingwood for the after hours party. Have some drinks, start walking home. Get asked to be walked home, jump a fence and call out “if you can catch me”. Guy follows. Play commandos across the town. Jump some fences, roll over porches, leap some sheds and end up on the East side. Home is on the south side. Walk back home. Say goodbye. Get into house, had locked my buddy out of his place. He was pissed then passed back out.
- Woke up. Text messages, unknown number. Met because I twisted his nipples. Thought I may know who it was, process of elimination. Wasn’t either. Avoided names, called him Fitsroy. Found out I had no memory of our meeting, still called him Fitsroy. Texted some more then get bored.
- Party in The Beaches, ride our bikes 20 K there to have some drinks. Get to party, drink some drinks. Go to bar, throw paper airplanes. Go back to the house party, cook up some hot dogs. Shots of hot sauce. Shots of Baileys. Shots of hot sauce with Baileys. Get on bikes, 20 K back, ride really fast down hills. Make some art. Ride down the beach. Stop on the beach and look at the city. Puke-up hot dogs. Ride towards the city. Ride through the streets, howl at our invincibility. Pass-out hard. Wake-up, sneak-out, go to work.
I also have a knack for giving guys deep-V t-shirts or making spontaneous headbands. Please inquire if you are interested in these services.