Blog. Blog. Blog. This weekend we separate the contenders from the pretenders.
Divisional winners have been warm at home nursing New Year’s Eve hangovers while rooting their respective Alma maters to victory in bowl games.
Denver Broncos vs. New England Patriots
Listen, I like a feel good/underdog story as much as the next guy but as an avid/fanatical football fan I refuse to allow my heart to be stolen by a good looking, god fearing Quarterback with a propensity for theatrical comebacks.
Calmer heads will prevail.
In the first match-up between these 2 squads the Broncos got off to a fast start riding the momentum of a 6 game win streak and a raucous home crowd.
Unfortunately for the Broncos a football game is 60 minutes and the Patriots are hardly minute men – the Broncos turned over the ball a couple times and the opportunistic Brady boys took those fumbles and exchanged them for touchdowns.
The Patriots take this game along with Tim’s virginity. BLOOD!
New Orleans Saints vs. San Fransisco 49ers
I’m a defensive guy first and foremost and I like what the 49ers do on D but unfortunately for the 49ers so does Saints head coach Sean Payton.
The 49ers with outstanding middle linebacker and Ray Lewis heir apparent, Patrick Willis and defensive-end Justin Smith play the run just about as well as any team in the league. Problem is, that tremendous rush defense does little to stop the air attack of the Saints. While most teams in the league run to set up the pass, the Saints pass to set up the run. With Drew everything is a Brees, he spends the entire game throwing lazer puppies to a multitude of receivers and just when your dropping 8 guys back in coverage to avoid giving up another bomb, Brees slips the ball to Darren Sproles who fast forwards his way to the endzone for a 40 yard back-breaking score.
A proud 49ers team keeps it competitive at home but in the end, the Saints come marching in.
Baltimore Ravens vs. Houston Texans
With the absence of a Toronto NFL team, my title of favorite squad has differed to the Ravens – what can I say I’m a sucker for a ball hawking safety and a shut down D.
Loyalties aside, I think this will be the most competitive game of the weekend. I don’t know how Wade Phillips did it but he has the Houston Texans playing lights-out D. I thought his decision to move Mario Williams to outside linebacker was a sign of things to come – at that point I knew Wade was in cahoots with Andy Reid’s tape worm. Actually, fuck that I refuse to give that oaf with a headset credit – the credit should go to white-boy linebackers Connor Barwin, Brian Cushing and Clay Mathew mini Brooks Reed (dude is only 75 in Madden, you can usually get him with a 3rd overall draft pick and he makes plays!)
In Ray Rice and Arian Foster, two of the leagues best young runners will face off. A quick tidd-bit for you dig-deepers, Vontae Leach, the all-world bull-dozer of a full-back used to clear the path for Arian Foster (a big reason Foster was able to come out of no-where and claim the leagues rushing title). Now Vontae opens holes for Ray Rice – I’m sure Ray had Leach circled on his Christmas list considering the pint-size back is enjoying one of the best years of his career.
Oh and this just in, Houston wide-receiver Andre Johnson is a beast or beast-mode or however the hell you say a player is really really good these days.
In a tight vagine of a game, I give the advantage to the Ravens because 1) The Ravens already beat Houston with a healthy Matt Schaub 2) The Ravens defense will make T.J Yates look like the rookie he is and 3) Baltimore is playing at home (have you seen the Wire!? The city of Baltimore is GRIMEY!)
Green Bay Packers vs. New York Giants
Everything is shaping up for this to be an upset – Justin Tuck a member of the 2007 Super-Bowl winning ‘Big Blue ‘contingent has been stricken with a serious case of déjà vu and keeps telling anyone who’ll listen how much this playoff run feels like 07.
Unfortunately for Tuck, Brett Favre is home sending picture messages of his penis to cheerleaders instead of throwing late game interceptions in the snow. Brett is for sure an iPhone user – dude must be having a field day with FaceTime.
Dion Sanders may “believe in Eli” but I believe in Aaron. Factor in that Green Bay is as healthy as they’ve been all season – what makes Rodgers eye-popping numbers cataract inducing is the fact he’s been playing behind a patch-work offensive line all year.
Giants running back Brandon Jacobs lays the ball on the frozen tundra in this one – giving up a turnover to a defense that takes the ball away as well as any team in the league.
A humble Packers team responds to the pressure of being a favorite and wins this one for Peyton (you know Peyton doesn’t want his little brother to 1-up him on the ring count)!